|
Also, the NEO-CON Confessional is now open for business
UPDATE: Wednesday, November 8, 2006 (yes, it's been a while) - Poor Rummy! It ain't easy being told you suck - But we won't forget you! We wish we could but we'll probably be cleaning up after your... uhmmm, your "accomplishments" for years to come! Don't let the sting of reality hit you in the face on the way out! Best of luck dishing out your fear mongering bullshit somewhere else! I am sure someone will listen. Duybya today gave Donald Rumsfeld his overdue pink slip. Donny will be remembered fondly for his incredible work in irreversibly screwing up Iraq. Nicely done! Not everyone can boast they were the architect behind the destruction of an entire country (and the formation of a terrorist state)!
UPDATE: Thursday, July 28, 2005 - Turd Blossom - I never really liked Doonesbury very much growing up but I did respect the controversy that Garry Trudeau was occasionally able to stir up through his daily political comic strip. This time Trudeau's crosshairs have trained squarely on Bush's keyman Karl Rove following reports that Rove, the brains of the Bush camp, may have outted key CIA operatives. Bush has used several pet names for Rove including "Turd Blossom" which not only is the most fitting but was also the cause of the brew ha ha in the papers when it was used in a recent Doonesbury cartoon. "Turd Blossom" is a Texan expression for a flower that grows out of a pile of cow dung. In a rare indication of intellect Bush has chosen a nickname that very succinctly describes the campaign flower that Karl Rove miraculously built on top of the George Bush pile of poo. However, the Bush pundits are already pointing out that with a name like "Garry Trudeau" it is quite obvious that the cartoonist is either himself a cheese eating surrender monkey or directly related to one.
UPDATE: Tuesday, February 1, 2005 - For Sale Everybody - In the time honored tradition of American capitalism, we have found yet another way to eek out a profit from the kindness of others. While it is easily believed that Mr. Zetlen had all the noblest of intentions when setting out to create SorryEverybody.com, it now looks to be an eency weency bit too focused on the good old American dollar. So after you have your Sorry Everybody cup of coffee, you can strap on your Sorry Everybody thong and take your sorry dog for a brisk walk in his Sorry Everybody dog shirt. SorryEverybody.com has not one but two books planned which will be full of the Sorry's and the Thank You's respectively. Now all I wanted was a bottle of "Sorry Everybody Gas and Bloating Relief" but sadly the site does not yet offer it. Maybe I am not materialistic enough, but I don't want any of this. And that is coming from someone who got absorbed into this nonsense enough to build an entire web-site and waste well too much time writing stupid little bits for it. Anyhoo, I think James ought to think about where his profit is going. After all he is an enterprising young man and will most likley have plenty more opportunities to plunder riches in the future. Maybe he ought to put some of this booty to a cause that we'd all likely support. Maybe some of it could go to making sure we don't need his site (or mine) in 2008! Or maybe a cause in support of better International relations. UPDATE: Friday, January 21, 2005 - AMBER STUPIDITY ALERT Issued - The war on brains continues... We are issuing this special alert to the American Family Association for cautioning God-fearing Americans about the risk of being homotized by left-wing "feel good" cartoons promoting tolerance and unity. The AFA believes the cartoon industry has a thinly veiled agenda to make your children gay! In question is a new video soon to be distributed to public schools nationwide featuring several popular cartoon characters like Barney and SpongeBob SquarePants. According to several "family" organisations, this video is exploding with homosexual undertones. And while Barney doesn't actually get into SpongeBob's square pants and "play ball" they do have a lengthy chat about chintz drapes and Dolce and Gabana underwear while sipping Peppermint tea lattes. They also spend a bit too much time bitching about other toons like Beavis and Butthead for having no style. Later in the video Bob the Builder and Whinnie the Pooh (dressed as a policeman) join the others for a rousing chorus of YMCA.
Leonard Sheldoon of Creation Laboratories in Wachovia, KS said "We have analyzed the video and found evidence of flavored mineral water, references to the West Village of New York City, tight non-breathable attire, moustaches, and a mysterious man named Dirty Sanchez." Sheldoon believes this is evidence enough to support the belief that homosexual acts were taking place just off-screen. Sheldoon continued, "We went to several homes in the local residential areas and used our heathenometers before and after putting on the video. The results were conclusive and irrefutable."
Creation is sending their findings along with special equipment to local churches and family organizations so that the problem can be tackled locally and on a large scale. Local parishes are expecting an influx of young homosensitive children to be brought in over the next couple of weeks. However, they are confident they can cope once the priest gets hold of the dehomotizing equipment which he will operate on each child himself. Which reminds me of an old but still very funny joke: "What do you get for the pedophile who has everything?" Answer: "His own congregation." UPDATE: Friday, December 24, 2004 - It's heart warming to see that slow people can still get by in today's fast paced world. Take the example of Dean Wright from Virginia. Not to be confused with the Editor-In-Cheif of MSNBC of the same namesake, this Dean Wright is a night clerk at the local Rite Aid drug store. Good old Dean spent the past two weeks staying up late in his bedroom painstakingly rebuilding his very own neocon infoporn website. Fighting off cries from his momma in the next room telling him to go to bed, he labored on. His mission: to build the best of the NOT SORRY websites.
But unfortunately now that it is finally done, its about 2 million days too late. Wearenotsorry.com's credo ought to be "We're really late but we're not sorry about it." Despite showing up for the flight when the plane has already landed and the passengers are at home with a cup of tea, the site is incredibly busy! It has almost 5 users a day (although that does include Dean and his family). The forum exudes interactivity and is practically bursting at the seams with its one message posted on Dec 18th. This is apparently not the first time Wright has sniffed the armpit of failure. He has created other sites to promote his "kill first, talk later" cause. While slaving over one of his previous mega sites, he claimed at one point to have 17 advertisers ready to bank-roll his new Google-busting traffic magnet. Alas, it was not to be and the advertisers never materialized. This marked the beginning of a series of flops culminating in wearenotsorry.com. Dean (a.k.a. Pyscho_Solider and GOP_Dude) is an avid fan of the video games he plays several times a day. He says he doesn't have much time for the Europeans and believes the European Union to be "an evil evil thing." He also doesn't care much for Muslims but he says he will personally do what he can to "unite them with their virgins" in the after-life. Otherwise he thinks maybe a "re-run of the Hiroshima bomb" might be in order. Dean, with all this incredible insight, you are most obviously very gifted! So, we salute Mr. Wright in all his glorious stupidity and think you should too. Send him an email at dw@wearenotsorry.com or dwright@notinyourname.com.
UPDATE: Friday, December 17, 2004 - Talk about not being sorry, good old Donald Rumsfailed has really landed in the brown stuff this time. In what was supposed to be a PR excercise to boost troop morale in Kuwait, Rummy was confronted by a guardsman who wanted to know why the military was still not supplying proper equipment to the war effort. The soldier asked why they had to scavenge through junkyards to find scrap metal and glass to retrofit to their poorly equipped Humvees. The question was met by widespread applause and a visibly upset and stupified Rummy. After several long seconds, The Donald replied with this gem: "As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time." Way to go Donny! 72 years old and as sharp as a butter knife! Say goodbye Rummy! And take your box of Depends with you! UPDATE: Tuesday, December 7, 2004 - Jeff Goldblum ups the ante by matching himself up with all the good looking women in Jeff Goldblum's Tribute to the Fly Girls of "Sorry Everybody." Goldblum has graciously offered to take each and every one of the girls to the Academy Awards and Pink's Hot Dogs (no idea) and have their photo taken. Judging by the photos, Jeff is unnaturally consistent in front of the camera. I can't blame him for taking advantage of the young sexy yet remorseful Democrats. If I was once The Fly, I'd probably do it too! Apparently chicks really dig metamorphosis. Who knew? Putting all that aside, I have an even better challenge for Mr. Goldblum. One of national importance! He needs to date one or both of the Bush twins and knock'em up! I'll cover the costs (one case of Coors at room temperature ought to do the trick). If we can't beat the Neo-cons in the voting booths, we can infiltrate their ranks and dilute their progeny. Jeff, your country needs you!
UPDATE: Monday, December 6, 2004 - Classes at the NEO-CON Reform School for Bush-aholics are about to start. Your first class is THIS WAY. Attendance: mandatory! You will be quizzed on this Bushies so get cracking! UPDATE: Thursday, December 2, 2004 - We're looking for the esteemed creators of You're Welcome Everybody. It is the last of the Internet sites to let real men proudly display their ugly mugs, large weapons in hand, complete with some choice Neanderthal words for the French. We suspect a neocon netizen going by the name of Jose Roja to be one of these goat-blood-drinking cult members. We believe Jose may be entertaining his darkest fears somewhere in Texas but we are still sniffing the armpit of the right wing for more information. His other site, www.therightwing.com is yet another neocon fear-porn special. If you have any further information on this genius, we would love to hear from you.
UPDATE: Thursday, December 2, 2004 - Oh crap! Petersen's site is back up! Oh well. We already buried him and there's no point in digging up his dirty corpse of a site. Not Sorry Everybody is still a dead link as far as we're concerned. (We don't think anyone other than JVP will notice its back!) UPDATE: Wednesday, December 1, 2004 - Not Sorry Everybody, the first of the neocon responses to Sorry Everybody, has thrown in the soggy towel of defeat. After several attempts to fulfil a lifelong dream of being a right wing propagandist, Mr. John V. Petersen of Paoli, PA appears to have turned off his PC. The site www.notsorryeverybody.com doesn't load when requested and is reported as "not being missed" by many netizens. "JVP [Petersen] was a nervous novice," reports Jane Peabody of the Blog Institute of America, an online publishing research firm. "He was not proactive and second guessed each update he made," she told us. Most of his frequent visitors taunted his posts with provocative retorts and JVP would often make sweeping changes to try and bring in new neocon recruits and oust the noise makers. But his posts weren't interesting and lacked factual clarity. The comments from the viewers continued to be laughably inane at best and hideously boring at worst. The day before the site went silent, the warning signs were already surfacing. After each new entry, Petersen replied to his own entries maybe to drive more traffic to the site. But the messages were disturbingly masochistic. He wrote how he liked to touch his own excrement and that he actually was sorry for the re-election of George Bush. He concluded each entry by saying that he thought he might be gay but was definitely homophobic. "He was quite obviously disturbed," Peabody said. Maybe Petersen is seeking some much needed help. We wish him well in his offline recovery. UPDATE: Wednesday, November 24, 2004 - NAMING OR SHAMING. You've seen the sites and now you want to give them a piece of your mind but some don't give you an email address? Well, we don't want to let their good deeds go unnoticed. We've done a little gumshoe homework and found out a little more about the people behind the sites. He're we go: SORRYEVERYBODY.COM - James Zetlen is a 20 year old junior at Unversity of Southern California. Email James. NOTSORRYEVERYBODY.COM - John V. Petersen (a.k.a. JVP) is 40 year old database code monkey from Paoli, PA who is generally harmless enough in that he has managed only to create a second rate blog that has nothing more in common with the sorry / not sorry saga than its domain name. Email John. WERENOTSORRY.COM - Andy Clements (a.k.a. AndyCFreeper) of Tucker, GA is misusing Georgia State tax dollars by piggybacking his werenotsorry.com site on the State's education information systems in DeKalb County. Email Andy. UPDATE: Tuesday, November 23, 2004 - Shocking! It has been reported by European Intelligence Services that werenotsorry.com is being funded from al Qaeda coffers according to this article from Random Perspective. They also suspect that Saddam Hussein maybe providing some sort of editorial support to notsorreverybody.com from his jail cell. Der... who'da thunk it?!? Though it does explain the bias over at notsorryeverybody.com. UPDATE: Monday, November 22, 2004 - While notsorryeverybody.com is STILL just another boring blog without a clue, a Johnny-come-lately has popped up now that no one gives a toss. It is called yourewelcomeverybody.com (note the missing 'e'), which to its credit does have a gallery but has suprisingly few meatheads with guns (must be edited). It also has more references to hippies which makes me wonder what decade these people think they're living in. UPDATE: Friday, November 19, 2004 - The polls are now closed. (What? You didn't get to vote? ...Tough darts!) Its pretty clear that as screwed in the head as the not sorry camp is, we can take comfort in the fact that only a handful of them know how to use the Internet. Several not sorry votes were rejected becuase the voter shot a hole in their online ballot with a shotgun. This left the final tally at 1,984 sorry to 80 not sorry. Because we had technical direction from the vote-masters at Diebold, you can be sure this vote was as fair and balanced as Fox News. Now if only we can do general elections on the Internet as well... |  |
Talk to me you silly little freaks! notnot@notsorrynoteverybody.com